I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
