his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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