I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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