I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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