Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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