Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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