i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
