so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
