Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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