we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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