I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
