I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i dont even know how to be here
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The ass gains better be worth it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize