So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
