Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
