Me too!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
