It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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