I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
