You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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