Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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