Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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