dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
