He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
