Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
