Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
