hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
