Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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