Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
