Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
