She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
