Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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