I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
