Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
