Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
