Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
