my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
