so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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