all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
