I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I did not marry a roomba.
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