I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Betty ford says i'm here all night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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