Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
