found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
