I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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