I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
