is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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