I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
