he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
