i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
