i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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