I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
