Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
