Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
