You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
