I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
