Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What a dumb baby whore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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