remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
