they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
