when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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