Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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