my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
