Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
