I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
