I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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