If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
