i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
