I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
worst night to have a conscience
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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