your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You can't special order awesome
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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