But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
