i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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