I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
