I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
