my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize