Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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