Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
