Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
