i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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