last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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