Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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