hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
