I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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