Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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